


And they try (oh, Primus, do they try)

by Veto_power_over_clocks



Category: The Transformers (Cartoon Generation One)
Genre: Comedy, Footnotes, G1 was a shitpost, M/M, Matchmaking, The Narrator doesn't get paid enough and it shows, This was a request but it also wasn't
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:40:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22313404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Veto_power_over_clocks/pseuds/Veto_power_over_clocks
Summary: In which Rumble and Frenzy think Soundwave needs a date, the narrator can't shut up, and things work out anyway.
Relationships: Frenzy & Rumble & Soundwave, Frenzy & Rumble (Transformers), Shockwave/Soundwave
Comments: 12
Kudos: 72





	And they try (oh, Primus, do they try)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Soundwave_and_Cassettes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soundwave_and_Cassettes/gifts).



> I was asked for ~1k, but since it took me so long I felt bad and made it longer. Enjoy!

It had been Rumble's idea. Or maybe Frenzy's? The red one, whichever that one is. It had been one of them, anyway, or maybe both of them, or maybe even neither of them and then it somehow was their idea anyway. Who knows? Certainly not me. I’m the narrator, and my power is limited by the budget. You know what you clicked on. You know how much budget the show has. You know what to expect.

You have been warned.

Say what you want about the robots and the show (and having a lot to say about them is my job), but I’m fond of them. They have a lot of… not “heart", because they don’t actually have hearts, but there’s an earnestness in their behavior that makes you like them. [1]

It’s that earnestness that led to Rumble | Frenzy's idea. Earnestness and fondness.

See, Rumble and Frenzy are Decepticons, twins, and a genuine pain, but first and foremost they’re cassettes, and that entails a certain set of loyalties that nobody else really understands, because they’re the closest thing to the human concept of family [2] that Cybertronians have [3]. Most importantly, so you can really understand everything I’m about to tell you, they’re _Soundwave_ ’s cassettes. Why did I feel the need to put that name in italics? Because Soundwave is the boombox we care about. Soundwave is the robot with cassettes that got to appear in other installments of this franchise and who people actually remember. Blaster? Who cares about Blaster? [4]

If I, the narrator, and you, the audience, care about Soundwave, imagine how much his cassettes care about him. It’s _a lot_. A _huge_ lot.

And caring about someone means you want them to be happy.

“Don’t you think the boss is kinda lonely?” Rumble | Frenzy said, in a tone that tried very hard to be disinterested. It tried so hard that it fell right into ‘three year-old trying to lie’ levels of unbelievable.

Luckily for Rumble | Frenzy, this is the continuity in which, after many, many instances of Soundwave transforming into a boombox and managing to get past enemy lines that way, no Decepticon thought it was odd to find a red and yellow boombox and then somehow were surprised when that boombox revealed itself as Blaster once it had been brought into Decepticon territory. [5]

What I'm saying is that Frenzy | Rumble didn’t suspect anything from his brother’s tone.

“He has us and the others,” Frenzy | Rumble said, offended. “He’s not lonely.”

“Yeah, no, he’s not lonely because he has us. But he spends all the time looking after us, and helping Megatron, and fighting the Autobots… don’t you think he needs someone to look after him instead?” Rumble | Frenzy tried to make his tone imply something.

“But we protect him in battle? Why would he need some- Oh. _Oooooooooh_.” He started nodding. “You mean, like how Starscream and Skyfire looked after each other?” 

Rumble | Frenzy started nodding as well. His brother started nodding faster, so he had to increase his speed, which in turn led to Frenzy | Rumble nodding even faster. It all ended with both of them dizzy and trying to remember what they’d been talking about.

“Do you have any ideas?” Rumble | Frenzy said. [6]

“Candidates?”

“Yeah.”

“We need a lonely loser,” Rumble | Frenzy said pensively. “Someone who’ll care for the boss because he’s the most important thing to them.”

“That doesn’t exist,” grumbled Frenzy | Rumble. “The most important thing is turning all the Autobots into scrap metal.”

“Okay, second most important thing.”

“Hmmmmm… Someone who doesn’t have much to do.”

“Someone who already appreciates him.”

“Someone devoted to the cause.”

“Someone devoted to Megatron.”

They looked at each other and started smiling at the same time.

“Shockwave?” they said in unison.

“Their names match!”

“They’re both competent!”

“Megatron likes them!”

“He’s on Cybertron half the time so we won’t see him that much!”

They high-fived at that and ‘Operation: Thunder’ began. [7]

.

.

.

.

"This is how we're gonna do it," Frenzy | Rumble said, gesturing towards the base's comms system. "We'll tell the boss that he needs to give Shockwave some information. When he goes to send it, he'll see that the comms aren't working and he'll have to go to Cybertron to relay it in person."

Rumble | Frenzy didn't even make a sound of acknowledgement. He was busy sabotaging the comms, because the two of them had already discussed the plan and all that exposition was for our sake. [8]

Things went without a hitch at first. They had actual useful information to send to Shockwave (because they weren’t going to waste Soundwave’s time), they gave it to Soundwave, and Soundwave found that the comms weren’t working.

“Quick, boss!” Rumble | Frenzy said. “You have to go to Cybertron and tell Shockwave about this!”

Soundwave didn’t listen to his advice. He simply fixed the comms and sent the message, because every now and then common sense prevails in this universe.

The twins weren’t pleased.

.

.

.

.

“The other plan was too complicated. We need something simpler,” Rumble | Frenzy said determinedly, while Frenzy | Rumble nodded. “Something that can’t fail.”

“They have to hang out!” Frenzy | Rumble said, hitting his palm with his fist.

“But casually,” Rumble | Frenzy pointed out. [9]

The next time the Decepticons gathered, Rumble and Frenzy put all of themselves into ensuring that Soundwave and Shockwave stood next to each other.

Absolutely nothing happened. At all. Soundwave and Shockwave exchanged polite pleasantries and then got busy listening to Megatron. Then they said goodbye. [10]

“That was too subtle!” Frenzy | Rumble grumbled, kicking his brother in the shin. That got him a smack at the back of the head, and both these actions got them Soundwave telling them to behave.

.

.

.

.

“The boss will notice what we’re doing,” Frenzy | Rumble said, watching as Soundwave took some energon and left the room to refuel on his own.

The boss was lonely, Frenzy | Rumble could tell, and they _must_ do something about it. Urgently.

“And?” Rumble | Frenzy said, sounding confused and wary.

“Maybe we’ve been doing this wrong. Maybe we need Shockwave to make the first move.”

“Ooooooh!” Rumble | Frenzy punched the air. “Yes! That’s better! The boss is too clever and he knows us.”

“Shockwave doesn’t,” Frenzy | Rumble said, nodding.

“What was your plan?”

“We ask him to come over and explain something to Soundwave,” Frenzy | Rumble said proudly.

Rumble | Frenzy stared.

Frenzy | Rumble crossed his arms in front of his chest and snapped, “What?”

“That’s it?” Rumble | Frenzy looked unimpressed.

“What do you mean with that?”

“The boss is _smart_.” Rumble | Frenzy’s voice made it clear that he didn’t think much of his brother’s intellect. “What would Shockwave explain to him?”

“Science?” If Frenzy | Rumble’s tone matched his twin’s, well, Rumble | Frenzy had started it.

“Soundwave doesn’t do science, genius.”

There was no smart way to reply to that.

That didn't stop Frenzy | Rumble from opening his mouth anyway, in case something came to him in the moment it took him to do so. Nothing did. I feel bad for him.

.

.

.

.

“Maybe it’s time we give up on Operation: Thunder,” Rumble | Frenzy said, sighing. “I’m out of ideas.”

“So am I,” Frenzy | Rumble said. “We’ve tried everything.”

They had, actually. Look, episodes are short and we don’t have the time to show you everything they tried, but here are some highlights from their many attempts:

  1. Send Soundwave to Cybertron and sabotage the space bridge
  2. Ask Megatron to pair up Shockwave and Soundwave on a mission
  3. Hanging out with Shockwave and telling him how great Soundwave is
  4. Telling Soundwave that Shockwave thinks he’s great [11]
  5. Asking Shockwave to visit



It was then that Soundwave called them. He hadn’t only called the twins, he’d also brought out all the other cassettes, and he gathered all of them in a private room and told them he needed to have an important conversation with them. [12]

Wanna guess what the conversation was about?

No?

You’d rather I just tell you?

I guess that’s fair.

It was about his love life. How he’d found himself spending time with someone and discovering they had many things in common. How he’d been in a relationship with this mech for months now. How he hoped the cassettes would understand that this new relationship wouldn’t share the bond he shared with all of them.

I’m sure you won’t be surprised to find out Soundwave’s secret partner was Shockwave.

Ravage, Laserbeak and Buzzsaw thought it was hilarious.

Rumble and Frenzy weren’t amused.

Soundwave was very happy with the quick approval of his partner.

I am very happy for the robots. What can I say? I’m very fond of them and, guessing from how you made it to this point, so are you.

That makes me happy too.

* * *

1 Yes, even in Starscream. He’s earnestly a mess. [return to text]

2 I’m not talking about found family, because Cybertronian society is pretty much built on that (not explicitly in this particular show, sure, but you can’t pretend all these robots haven’t bonded platonically with the other robots they’ve spent years hanging out and fighting a war with, and you can’t pretend you don’t think of Optimus as everyone’s dad, or at least at somebody’s dad); I’m talking about the “ugly wallpaper” concept of the family you’re raised in. You ever heard that? “Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper.” That’s what cassette groups are like. A huge mess made of small messes that love each other. [return to text]

3 No, gestalts don’t count because they’re usually a bunch of people that every now and then become the same person. You don’t deal with yourself the same way you deal with your loved ones. Gestalts are time bombs, no matter how you look at them, because all the love and/or hate you felt for yourself isn’t only directed at yourself now, but it also radiates towards a varying amount of other people, and you have to deal with how much those other people love and/or hate themselves. No matter how happy you are with your life, you are enough of a burden to your own well-being to also have to carry other people’s issues unfiltered. Let’s not get into the subject of dealing with how those other people that are also you feel about you. It’s messy. [return to text]

4 Fine, I guess Rewind and Eject care about Blaster. And the people that draw fanart of him. But you know what I mean. Don’t pretend you don’t. People like Soundwave best. I’m the narrator. I know that stuff. It’s my job. [return to text]

5 What I’m saying is that no matter how obvious and ridiculous you may think something is, it’ll work if the plot says it should work. And I’ve already said that we all love Soundwave and want him to be happy, which means the plot demands his happiness, which means that if he wanted a magical unicorn, it’d appear right now and we’d all have to accept the fever dream that this has become. [return to text]

6 Or maybe it was Frenzy | Rumble. [return to text]

7 They didn’t put much thought into the name, no. In their defense, they just wanted to have an operation with a name. ‘Operation: Cotton Candy’ would have worked just as well. [return to text]

8 How did they know that the exposition was needed? Let's not discuss the intricacies of free will for fictional characters. That's depressing. [return to text]

9 Full disclaimer: this conversation might actually have been a monologue? It doesn’t really matter. One of them talked, or maybe both of them, but all you need are the words that were said, and who said them is irrelevant. [return to text]

10 Despite romcoms’ attempts to make us believe that all you need for two people to get interested in each other romantically is for the plot to want it, sometimes things are forced to flow naturally and, well, standing next to someone while both of you listen to your genocidal boss present his latest plan to kill your enemies isn’t an ideal scenario to make love blossom. [return to text]

11 “That’s definitely true. Everyone knows he’s great.” - Rumble and/or Frenzy. [return to text]

12 There were glares at that point because absolutely everyone had realized what those two were up to. They weren’t that great at subtlety. [return to text]

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> If promos are your thing, you can either [reblog](https://veto-power-over-fanworks.tumblr.com/post/190347602395/and-they-try-oh-primus-do-they-try) or [retweet](https://twitter.com/ceehagez/status/1218965818270154753) the link to this.
> 
> Have a nice day!


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